


All Was Golden

by primarylotus



Category: Naruto
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Lots of Crying, M/M, Mental Breakdown, Misunderstandings, Panic Attacks, Referenced Kisame/Itachi, Uchiha Itachi Being a Good Brother, implied infidelity, kind of lmao
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-17
Updated: 2018-09-17
Packaged: 2019-07-13 15:48:54
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,099
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16021082
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/primarylotus/pseuds/primarylotus
Summary: “You don’t have to pretend, Naruto. It’s not… It’s not okay, but… I don’t blame you.”“What’s not okay? ‘Don’t blame’ me? Sasuke, what are you talking about?!” Naruto was looking at him like he’d grown two heads.“I’m not stupid, Naruto. Just… tell me… is it someone I know?”





	All Was Golden

**Author's Note:**

> hello friends! i'm back! this time not with kinky shit but with this angsty mess that just... wouldn't leave my brain. 
> 
> i've never written something that is all plot and no porn lol so hopefully it's alright! un-beta'd, so sorry for any mistakes! if you seen anything glaringly obvious feel free to let me know lmao. 
> 
> let me know what you think! <3 
> 
> (title taken from when the day met the night by panic! at the disco)

Sasuke sighed in relief as he turned the key to his and Naruto’s shared apartment. He’d had such a long week at work, both himself and Itachi working overtime to prepare for an upcoming trial. They had been working on this specific case for several months now, and it seemed like the end was finally in sight. Lately Friday's didn’t mean the end of the work week for him, but they had done everything they possibly could for this trial and it looked like he had the whole weekend ahead of himself to relax. 

Recently their office had seen a rise in business after a case they had won got a lot of media attention, and so he’d been far busier than usual. He loved his job, and he loved working with his older brother, but he missed having time to spend with his lover at home. Naruto worked at a daycare, so he always had weekends free and was home by six every night. Sasuke was excited to spend a weekend just him and Naruto, no distractions, for the first time in months. 

As he turned the door handle and stepped into the house, he noted how quiet it was. Normally Naruto would have the TV or some music going as he cooked dinner at this hour, but tonight there was nothing. 

“Naruto? I’m home,” he called out. He shed his coat and loosened his tie, placing his briefcase by the door. 

He heard sounds of frantic rustling coming from their shared bedroom and followed the sound. “Naruto?” he called out again. 

“Uhh - In here, Sasuke! Just a second!” the familiar voice of his lover called back. He sounded flustered. More clamouring noises and the sound of their ensuite door closing firmly came from behind their bedroom door as Sasuke finally reached it.

He stepped into the room just in time to see Naruto hurriedly perch awkwardly on the bed. His face was bright red and he was scratching the back of his neck like he did when he was nervous or guilty. He looked up at Sasuke with an unsure grin.

“I didn’t think you’d be home so early!” he said with a jittery laugh. 

Sasuke eyed the man for a moment, taking in the loose pyjama pants slung low on his hips and lack of shirt before looking around the room. Nothing was out of place, though the door to their ensuite was firmly closed, and Naruto always left it open much to Sasuke’s annoyance. He had expected to see a mess in here from all the sounds coming from inside. Naruto’s forehead was glistening lightly with sweat. 

“What was all that noise just before?” Sasuke asked. 

“What noise?! There was no noise!” Naruto protested weakly. 

Sasuke frowned slightly. Naruto was trying to hide something from him. “Alright, pretending there was no noise… Why are you sweating? What were you doing in here?”  
  
“Oh! I was just… Cleaning! I was just doing some cleaning!”

Naruto was never like this, he never kept anything from Sasuke. They had been together for eight years now, and they shared everything with each other. Sasuke knew he had been absent a lot lately and hadn’t exactly been a great partner. Immediately his brain started to run rampant. What could Naruto possibly be hiding from him? He had thought his lover would be excited to see him home early, instead he seemed… afraid? 

“Naruto… what’s going on?” he asked timidly.

“I told you, Sasuke! I was just… just cleaning!” Naruto pushed out awkwardly. 

The excuse was bullshit, and they both knew it. Sasuke felt his heart clench. If there was something Naruto didn’t want to share with him, he wouldn’t push. He didn’t deserve to do that. 

He couldn’t imagine how hard it had been for Naruto lately to come home and eat dinner alone, even on some nights to go to bed alone. On those nights, Sasuke would slink in as quietly as possible and do his best to slip into bed without waking Naruto, but his lover would always turn over and sling an arm over him. Nuzzling into his neck and holding him close, letting out a sleepy “missed you,” or “love you.” Sasuke always felt guilty, but come morning Naruto would assure him it was fine. 

Recently he’d been getting home later and later, and Naruto wouldn’t always turn over to hold him. He tried to think nothing of it, his lover probably just in a deep sleep at such a late hour, but still he couldn’t shake the insecurity he felt. 

Now, getting home before seven o’clock for the first time in weeks, he really did think his lover would be more excited to see him. Instead he was greeted with nervousness. The whole thing felt wrong to him. His brain reached the fastest conclusion it could come up with. He thought of Naruto not cooking dinner like he usually would at this hour, the frantic rustling from inside the bedroom and the firmly shut bathroom door, the state of undress Naruto was obviously in before he opened the door, the sweat beading his brow and his guilty demeanour. Sasuke didn’t want to believe Naruto was cheating on him, but could he really blame him? 

He swallowed sadly as he looked away from Naruto. He couldn’t look at him right now. “I can go and stay with Itachi, if you want.” he choked out. 

“Wait, what?” Naruto asked, shocked. “Why would I want you to go stay with Itachi?”

“I don’t want to know what’s going on here, Naruto. You don’t have to say anything. I’ll… leave you to it.” Sasuke moved to step out of the room fast, his head spinning. He couldn’t be here anymore. 

“Wait, Sasuke, where are you going?!” Naruto shot up off the bed to chase his partner. He was already in the living room taking his coat off the rack when Naruto made it in there.  
  
“Sasuke, will you please slow down? What are you doing? Why the hell would I want you to go stay with Itachi?! I haven’t seen you for days!”  
  
Sasuke didn’t show any signs of acknowledging that Naruto had even spoken to him, continuing to put his coat on and reaching into the pocket for his keys. He felt like the walls of their apartment were closing in on him. Naruto stepped forward quickly and grabbed his arm.

“Sasuke, wh-“ 

“Please let me go.” Sasuke cut him off with a small, defeated voice. He still couldn’t look at Naruto, he just needed to be out of here. There was someone else in their bathroom, right now, hiding. Waiting for him to leave. He felt like such a fool. Were there other signs? Should he have noticed sooner? This is why Naruto didn’t roll over to hold him anymore, he thought.

“Like hell I’m gonna let you go!” Naruto raised his voice, but it wasn’t angry. He sounded desperate and frantic, and Sasuke’s heart hurt as breathing became more and more difficult.

“Please, Naruto… Don’t. Just… I’m sorry, and I’m not mad. I just… Need to go.” 

Naruto stepped in between him and the door, cutting off the exit. He placed his hands on Sasuke’s upper arms, his thumbs stroking gently back and forth, holding him the way he would when Sasuke had a bad panic attack, but he hasn’t had one of them in years. He could vaguely hear Naruto telling him “shhh,” and “just breathe, Sasuke, it’s okay,” and he realised that perhaps he wasn’t as over those panic attacks as he thought he was.

It had been years since they’ve been through this routine, but Naruto still knew exactly what to do. He pulled Sasuke’s head to rest against his solid chest, stroking a hand gently through his hair, letting his lover feel his steady heartbeat. Eventually Sasuke’s breathing started to even out and his hands came to rest flat on Naruto’s chest alongside his head. Naruto lead them over to the couch and pulled Sasuke onto his lap. 

“It’s okay, babe. You’re okay. It’s over now, I’ve got you,” Naruto whispered into the top of Sasuke’s head in-between gentle kisses, still stroking a hand through his hair. 

As Sasuke calmed down he couldn’t help but be incredibly embarrassed. He felt so stupid for not realising sooner. Naruto had probably been having people over more often than not. Sasuke was never home after all, it’s not like it would have been hard to hide an affair. He thought about the person in the bathroom. Was it someone he knew? Was it more than just sex? Was it a woman or a man? He wasn’t sure if knowing any of those answers would make him feel any better. 

Sasuke pulled himself back from Naruto’s chest, but he still couldn’t meet his eyes. Naruto’s hand kept making soothing motions up and down his back, and Sasuke felt like he was going to be sick. He started to pull himself up off the blond’s lap, but Naruto put a firm hand on his shoulder.  
  
“Sasuke, what’s going on? I’m worried. You haven’t had a panic attack like that in… God, _years_.”

Sasuke turned to look at him incredulously. Was Naruto just going to pretend nothing was happening?

“You don’t have to pretend, Naruto. It’s not… It’s not _okay_ , but… I don’t blame you.”  


“ _What’s_ not okay? ‘ _Don’t blame’_ me? Sasuke, what are you talking about?!” Naruto was looking at him like he’d grown two heads.

“I’m not stupid, Naruto. Just… tell me… is it someone I know?” Sasuke asked sadly. 

“Someone you…? Babe, I’m really not following…” 

Sasuke sighed heavily and stood up, brushing off Naruto’s hand on his shoulder. If he was going to continue denying everything, then so be it. He supposed now wasn’t really the time to discuss it anyway, what with Naruto’s mystery lover in the bathroom and all. He’d probably interrupted their foreplay, he thought, and his stomach turned over in anguish. 

He moved to the door and picked up his briefcase, he wasn’t going to go back into the bedroom to retrieve any belongings, not now. He’d come by for his stuff later, but right now he needed to go. He could borrow some stuff from Itachi for tonight.

Naruto was sitting on the couch looking like Sasuke was the one who had burned _him_ and not the other way around. At least he had the decency to feel guilty about it, Sasuke thought. He unlocked the door and stopped for a moment. 

“I’ll stay at Itachi’s for a while. We’ll… figure the rest out later,” he said with his eyes focused on the floor. He heard Naruto start to protest but he closed the door behind him before he could hear what his lover - _ex-lover?_ \- had to say. 

His heart was pounding in his chest and he felt bile rising in his throat as he walked through the parking lot to his car. He felt like he was doing a walk of shame, like all the people passing him knew exactly what had just transpired over the last ten minutes, like they could see right into his rotten, useless core. What kind of _asshole_ treats his lover so poorly? He deserved to be cheated on. He had neglected Naruto and made him miserable and lonely. Of course he deserved to find comfort and happiness with someone who wasn’t absent all the time.

Sasuke reached his car and quickly got into the drivers seat and locked all the doors. The tinted windows would hide him from the knowing stares of passers by for now. For a while, he didn’t move. He sat and gripped the steering wheel hard just to have something to ground himself. 

He reached a hand into his slacks and pulled his phone out of his pocket to call Itachi. When he unlocked his phone his heart lurched in his chest as he saw his wallpaper. A selfie Naruto had taken of them both months ago after Sasuke had won his biggest trial. Naruto was kissing him on the cheek in the photo, and Sasuke’s face was twisted in a mixture of happiness and embarrassment at the public display of affection. The photo was blurry and poorly framed, but Naruto had changed it to his wallpaper straight away, saying “now you can’t forget me when you’re famous!” with a laugh. Wasn’t that ironic. 

Sasuke shook his head as if to physically shake the memory away and dialled Itachi’s number. As always, his older brother answered on the first ring. 

“Little brother,” the smooth voice crooned. “You do know we have the weekend off, right? Do you already miss me that much?”

He knew it was his turn to speak, but he realised he didn’t know what to say. He didn’t want to admit to Itachi that his neglect had driven Naruto to have an affair, but he had no one else to turn to. His brain was working overtime trying to come up with something to say, but the silence dragged on. 

“Sasuke, are you there?” Itachi’s voice came through the hands free of the car speakers. 

“Are you busy?” was the only thing that Sasuke could get out.

There was a beat of silence before Itachi answered him. No doubt Itachi knew something was wrong, he knew Sasuke better than anyone, even Naruto. The two of them had a deep understanding of each other since they were younger, and working so closely together had only strengthened their bond.

“No, I’m not busy,” Itachi answered, though Sasuke highly doubted that was true. He knew if he asked his brother would cancel whatever plans or meetings he had, but he also knew he wouldn’t need to ask. Itachi was probably sending off emails and texts to rearrange his weekend already.

“I…” Sasuke started to speak but still his brain hadn’t supplied him with anything to say. 

“Okay… Are you safe?” Itachi asked gently. 

“…Yes.” 

“Is Naruto okay?” 

“He… I…” Sasuke’s chest tightened and breathing started to hurt. Thankfully Itachi cut him off. 

“Can you drive, or do you need me to come and get you?” Itachi asked, having heard enough for now. Sasuke was grateful he didn’t push for any more information. 

“No, I’m… I can drive.” 

“Okay. The gate will be open, you won’t have to buzz. I’ll see you soon, yes?” 

Sasuke nodded, though Itachi couldn’t see him. He put his seatbelt on and began the drive to his older brother’s house. Neither himself nor Itachi hung up the call, and again Sasuke was so grateful for how deeply his brother knew him. Though they didn’t speak the whole drive, knowing he wasn’t alone was more than enough.

He arrived at Itachi’s house twenty minutes later, and true to his word the gate to his fancy house was open and waiting. Sasuke pulled into the drive and noted the gate closing behind him almost immediately, Itachi had obviously been watching out for his arrival. 

Gaining the courage to step out of the car was the hardest part. Sasuke wanted to believe his brother wouldn’t judge him, after all they had been working together and keeping the same hours. Itachi would know first hand and better than anyone the toll their recent work would take on a relationship. Even still, he couldn’t help but feel that embarrassment and shame creep over him. He was frozen in place as he sat in his brother’s driveway. 

After what felt like hours later but in reality was likely only minutes, his door opened and he felt a gentle hand on his shoulder. The solid grip was all it took for him to finally break. He ducked his head as he gripped the steering wheel hard until his knuckles were white, and fat, ugly tears began to fall down his cheeks for the first time since leaving his apartment.

Itachi’s heart broke to see his brother like this. He knelt down next to the car and pried Sasuke’s hands off the steering wheel gently, pulling him into his arms. His younger brother was distraught, his whole body shaking with loud unrestrained sobs. They sat like that for God knows how long, Itachi letting Sasuke hold him tightly as he wept. 

When his sobs turned to small whimpers, Itachi pulled back slightly to brush his younger brother’s hair, sticky from tears and sweat, off his red, puffy face. In this moment he was taken back to when they were much younger and he had to look out for Sasuke while their parents were absent. Sure, their parents loved them and they never wanted for anything, but they were always working. They never really had the time to spend on their two boys, and so Itachi had grown up fast, becoming a solid rock for his younger brother. 

“Let’s get you inside,” Itachi said, and pressed two fingers gently to Sasuke’s forehead like he had so often when they were younger. He stood up and reached a hand out to help Sasuke out of the car, who took it immediately. He reached around his brother and took the keys from the ignition and locked the car behind them.

Itachi led them inside to his lavish living room and sat Sasuke down on his couch. He would sit here with him all night if that’s what he needed. Sasuke hadn’t always had trouble expressing his emotions, Itachi recalled again when they were younger and Sasuke would always come to him for support. Things changed when Sasuke reached high school and started to feel the absence of their parents. Itachi knew he resented them a little, and he didn’t blame him. 

Sasuke had fallen into depression in high school, no longer the happy go lucky kid Itachi knew, but instead a miserable teen who craved the love only a parent could give. By then, Itachi had left school and was already at college, though he had taken an offer at the less impressive but local campus so he could stay with Sasuke, constantly worried about him. 

Not only was Sasuke depressed, but he suffered regular panic attacks and night terrors. He was almost an adult, at his age Itachi was caring for him and completing his final year of high school at the same time. What did it say about how pathetic he was that he couldn’t even properly look after himself at this age? He had managed to keep his panic attacks secret from his older brother for a while, not wanting him to know what a mess up he was, but one day he had nowhere to hide and Itachi had looked at him sadly. 

“You should have told me you needed me, Sasuke,” he had said.

It was then that Sasuke finally confided in his brother and told him how he felt. How despite his brother’s best efforts, he couldn’t help but feel that he wasn’t worth being loved or cared for. His parents emotional neglect had left scars he wasn’t sure would ever heal. Itachi held him as he cried that night, listening to all his fears and self doubts.

After that night, he helped organise a therapist for Sasuke without their parents knowing. “Not that they would be around to find out anyway,” Sasuke had said bitterly, but he was still grateful for his brother’s help. 

Slowly but surely, things started to turn around, and Sasuke started to show signs of improvement. He had hardly any night terrors anymore and less panic attacks, though they still crept up on him sometimes. He was learning to deal with it, his therapist teaching him ways to cope. When Sasuke graduated high school, (with top of the class grades), he had no idea what he was going to do with himself. 

Itachi asked him over dinner one night what his plans were, and Sasuke shrugged. He could get into any class he wanted with the grades he had, but he had no motivation to do anything. Itachi suggested his younger brother take up law like him, and they spoke about one day opening up their very own law firm, just the two of them. A dream they would eventually realise, but it was a long road to get there. 

They moved out of their family home together before Sasuke started college and things were looking good. Sasuke was in a better place than he had been in years, and Itachi was on track to finish his degree in just a year’s time. 

It was in college that Sasuke had met Naruto. At first, he was just the annoying guy that had run into Sasuke and spilt his coffee all over Sasuke’s new shoes. Itachi remembered the day Sasuke came home and told him the story, how this annoying blond _idiot_ wasn’t watching where he was going, and ruined Sasuke’s good shoes. He’d not seen his brother so worked up about something for a long time, and it made him chuckle. 

Not a week later, he heard about this same mystery blond again. This time Sasuke was studying in the library (so Itachi could have the house to himself with his date, a man he had met at college himself named Kisame) when he heard snoring coming from behind him. He turned around to see the same blond idiot who’d ruined his shoes asleep at his desk, a small line of drool leaking onto his book underneath him and his mouth open as he snored loudly. 

Sasuke had kicked his chair and woken the boy up, he jerked awake fast and looked around before his sleepy eyes landed on Sasuke’s frowning ones. 

“Hey, you’re the grump I spilled my coffee on the other day,” Naruto had said sleepily.

“The library isn’t somewhere for you to nap. Other people are trying to work, and your snoring is obnoxiously loud,” Sasuke spat at him. ‘ _The grump_ ’ from the other day? Who wouldn’t be grumpy when their new shoes are ruined by some clumsy idiot, Sasuke thought.

“Oh man, I totally did fall asleep, huh? I’ve got this paper due tonight and I’ve been working so much, I’m just so exhausted, y’know?” he scratched the back of his neck with a sheepish grin. He looked Sasuke up and down, his tongue darting out to wet his lips. “Say… how about we go get a coffee? My shout, considering I kind of owe you one after the other day.”

Itachi couldn’t help but bark out a laugh as Sasuke told him the story, just imagining the look of pure hatred on his brother’s face. He was shocked when Sasuke said he ended up taking the blond - _Naruto_ , his name was - up on his offer. He was even more shocked when that wasn’t the last he heard of the name Naruto, and instead he became a permanent fixture in their home, there more often than not. 

Not that Itachi minded, of course. He was happy his brother had finally found someone he wanted to spend time with, and Naruto was a good kid. Sasuke didn’t have any close friends, instead preferring his own company or hanging out with Itachi and occasionally Kisame, who was also around their house quite often. 

When Sasuke had told him one day a few months later that he and Naruto were dating, Itachi gave his brother a soft poke to the forehead and told him he was happy for him. Time passed and Sasuke wasn’t nearly as reliant on Itachi as he used to be, he was home less and less once he and Naruto officially started dating, spending most nights at his boyfriend’s house. 

Eventually the two had saved up enough and decided to move out together into their own apartment, and Itachi was so proud. His kid brother was finally grown up and flourishing, finally coming into his own and being the man Itachi knew he could be. He was a little sad to know that he wasn’t the one Sasuke would lean on anymore, but he trusted Naruto to look after him now. Seeing how happy Sasuke was when they were together was all Itachi needed to see to know his brother had made the right decisions. 

Itachi moved out of their shared apartment after he graduated into a fancy house in the richer part of town.He got the place by himself, though him and Kisame were still going great, but he needed his own space and Kisame respected that. His post-grad job at a local law firm paid him good money, which is how he managed to save enough to start his own firm with Sasuke. 

On the couch, Sasuke shifted and pulled Itachi out of his thoughts. His brother and him had been through a lot together, and it had been so long since he’d seen him so distraught. He looked uncomfortable and so _young_ , and Itachi wished he could hold him here forever and make all his problems go away, but they weren’t kids anymore. 

After a long silence, Sasuke finally spoke. “Is Kisame here?” he asked, seeming to pull himself together slightly.

“No,” Itachi answered, and Sasuke’s shoulders seemed to slump down in relief. He was sure Kisame would have been here when he first called, but no doubt Itachi had sent him away. He felt another rush of guilt, not only had he ruined his own relationship but now he was destroying his brother’s.

“Itachi, I… I fucked up,” he said, small and despondent.

“Everyone fucks up sometimes, Sasuke.”

“Not like this…” Sasuke let out a ragged breath, he probably would have broken down again if he had the energy for it but he just felt so empty. “I’ve really… really fucked up.”

“Alright,” Itachi said carefully. “What happened?”

“It’s more about what _didn’t_ happen…” Sasuke said cryptically.

Itachi sighed. “I can’t help you if you don’t tell me what’s going on, Sasuke.”

“Naruto is having an affair.” 

The words left him in a rush, and once they were out he couldn’t pull them back in. He felt like he was going to be sick, the familiar taste of bile rising back up his throat again. He managed to swallow it down. 

“Naruto is… sleeping with someone else,” he repeated himself, this time slower and with less bite behind it. Now that he’d started, the words wouldn’t stop tumbling out. 

“It’s my fault. I don’t blame him, but… it hurts so much. I deserve it, though. I haven’t been there for him, you know how work has been. Of course he would go to someone else. God, Itachi, I feel like such an _idiot_. How do you do it? How do you juggle Kisame and the cases we’ve been taking? What have I been doing wrong?” he looked up at his older brother, his glassy, red rimmed eyes begging for answers and Itachi’s heart broke. 

Itachi had also been struggling with their new workload, but clearly not as much as his younger brother. He could have kicked himself for not seeing this sooner, how badly it was affecting him. 

“Sasuke, this isn’t your fault—“ he started to say, but was cut off. 

“Of course it is! What kind of boyfriend am I? Putting my work ahead of the person I’m meant to care the most for, the person who relies on me for love and support. He deserves to go and find that elsewhere. I _neglected_ him, Itachi. I let him think I didn’t love him anymore…” 

Sasuke’s phone started vibrating in his pocket. He pulled it out and saw Naruto’s name and tossed the phone to the side with a staggered huff of breath. The phone continued to hum softly against the leather of the couch before Itachi reached over and silenced it. 

“Sasuke. Listen to me very carefully: it is not your fault.” Sasuke opened his mouth to protest but Itachi placed a finger over his mouth. “This is not your fault. Now, tell me what happened. How do you know Naruto is having an affair? Did he tell you this?” 

Itachi dropped the finger pressed against Sasuke’s mouth as he shook his head. “No, he didn’t need to. I saw enough.” 

“Wait, you caught him with someone else?” Itachi asked incredulously. He couldn’t believe that Naruto would cheat on Sasuke after all they had been through over the last eight years. 

“Basically,” Sasuke said and Itachi frowned.

“What do you mean, _‘basically’_?” 

“I mean, I’m not stupid. The evidence was all there as soon as I got home. I’d obviously interrupted something between him and… them.” 

“So did you see someone else in your apartment with Naruto, or no?” Itachi pushed. 

“…no,” Sasuke said. “But I didn’t have to!” he raised his voice. To his left, his phone started vibrating again, the display lighting up and Naruto’s name and contact photograph filled the screen. Itachi silenced the phone once again.

“Okay, so tell me what you saw,” he asked, and Sasuke thought briefly that he wished Itachi would stop with all these questions, but his brother was a lawyer after all. 

He explained the whole scene to Itachi, from the rustling in the bedroom to how guilty Naruto looked when he finally made it in there. Itachi listened intently and Sasuke could practically see the cogs turning in his brother’s head as he assessed the facts. 

“You don’t think there’s any chance this could be a misunderstanding?” Itachi asked. 

“What else am I meant to make of all that evidence,” Sasuke said, and it was meant to be a question but it didn’t sound like one. He sounded so tired. 

Sasuke’s phone started vibrating once again with another incoming call from Naruto.

“Did you speak to him at all? Give him a chance to explain himself?” Itachi asked, silencing the phone yet again and turning it over to hide the display. 

“I tried, but… he just denied everything. Said he didn’t know what I was talking about, even when I asked about it directly. So I left, I couldn’t be there anymore.” 

“And he just let you go? That doesn’t sound like Naruto,” Itachi said skeptically. Naruto would always have the last word in a fight, and he was one of the most persistent people Itachi had ever known. He wouldn’t have let Sasuke leave that apartment without a fight, he was sure of it. 

Sasuke went silent. “He… stopped me at the door. Asked me not to go. And… helped me through a panic attack…” he admitted quietly. 

Itachi’s eyebrows raised in a way Sasuke would have found comical in any other situation. “Panic attack? Sasuke, I thought you didn’t have those anymore,” Itachi asked sadly.

“Yeah, so did I… Guess I’ll just be fucked up forever. It’s what I deserve, anyway.” 

“Sasuke, stop it. Stop beating yourself up. What makes you think you deserve to be miserable?” Itachi asked, he was sure all of these insecurities were things Sasuke had worked through with his therapist years ago, but he supposed some scars never truly healed.

“What makes you think I don’t? I know I’m hard work. I’m closed off and I don’t open up to anyone, which is why all my ‘friends’ are just Naruto’s friends who put up with me. I don’t have anyone but you, and you’re only stuck with me ‘cause you’re my brother. Even mom and dad don’t really love me. They say they do once a year in a birthday card, but that’s it. I’m just… not easy to love. I know that. It was only a matter of time before Naruto realised he could do better than me. It’s better if I just… let Naruto go. He deserves better. Someone who has time to spend with him and tell him all the things he deserves to hear.” 

Itachi sat still as he let that soak in. As far as he knew, Sasuke hadn’t had these thoughts for years, and now he couldn’t help but feel guilty. The constant stress of their workplace had obviously worn his brother down, and he couldn’t help but feel like he was partly to blame for that. The money they were making was excellent, and their reputation was sky high, but it was worth nothing if it made his brother so miserable. He made a mental note to call some local firms he was friendly with on Monday morning and offer them some of their clients. 

His own phone buzzed in his pocket but he ignored it, no doubt Kisame was calling to ask if everything was alright. Itachi would tell him as much as he needed to know later. Right now, Sasuke needed him and he wasn’t going anywhere. 

“Sasuke… why would Naruto ask you to stay if he didn’t love you? If there was someone hiding in your bathroom, why would he hold you through a panic attack try to stop you from leaving?” Itachi asked desperately, trying to make Sasuke see things from a different perspective. 

“Because he felt guilty? Because he’s a good person and didn’t want to see someone in distress like that? He would have asked me to leave after I’d calmed down. Or more likely he’d have offered to go instead, because he’s that kind of person.” Sasuke said sadly. 

Itachi’s phone kept buzzing continuously and he realised it mustn’t be Kisame. Perhaps something had gone wrong with a client. The only time his phone ever rang off the hook like this was work related. He grimaced and stood up off the couch.

“I need to take this call quickly, it could be about the upcoming trial. I’ll be as fast as I can, I promise,” he said as he stood up and walked to the kitchen. Sasuke didn’t need to hear any work problems right now, he had enough to deal with. Whatever was on the other end of the line, Itachi would handle it. 

He pulled his phone from his pocked and was surprised to see Naruto’s name on his caller ID. The call rang out and he could see six other missed calls from Naruto’s number, all in the last two minutes. Within seconds, his phone lit up again with Naruto’s name. He cautiously answered it. 

“What do you want.” Itachi’s voice was stern and rough. He still wasn’t convinced Naruto was cheating on his brother, a lot of the facts didn’t add up, but he still wasn’t impressed with him. 

“Oh, thank God, Itachi. Is he with you? I can’t… _God_ , he won’t answer his phone and I’m so scared. I… please tell me he’s there,” Naruto babbled. He obviously wasn’t bothering to even try and hide the emotion in his wavering voice. 

“He’s here.” Itachi was giving nothing away. The tone of his voice even and his words short and sharp.

“Please, can you please buzz me in? I’m out the front. I need to see him, Itachi, there’s been… a huge misunderstanding. Please,” the blond begged.

Itachi pondered that for a moment. “I don’t think he wants to see you.”

Naruto let out a loud, ugly sob through the phone. “I know, I _know_ I’m the last person he wants to see right now but God, _please_ , Itachi. I need to see him. I have to talk to him. I think he thinks… I think he thinks I’m… _God,_ that I’m cheating on him. I can’t lose him, Itachi. I’m begging you, _please_ , you know I wouldn’t do anything to hurt him. Fuck, I love him _so much_.”

Itachi thought to his brother sitting in his lounge room, broken hearted and a shell of his former self.Naruto’s reaction was sincere, he could tell. The blond’s begging confirmed what Itachi had hypothesised when Sasuke had told him what happened. He wasn’t sure what exactly Naruto was hiding from his brother, but it wasn’t an affair. Regardless, the secrets would have to stop.

“So what was in the bathroom?” Itachi asked, straight to the point. 

Naruto didn’t even pause before responding. He knew Sasuke would have told Itachi everything. 

“I knew Sasuke would be home earlier tonight cause he’d texted me things were looking good at work so I set up a romantic bath for him. That’s it, that’s all it is. Only he got home sooner than I expected and I hadn’t finished setting up so I shut the door so he wouldn’t see before I was finished. I promise, Itachi, that’s it.” 

Itachi’s heart hurt for his brother, but at this point Naruto was also family, and he could tell he was hurting too. 

“This is about more than just tonight, Naruto,” Itachi warned. 

“…Yeah, I know… He… had a panic attack tonight, I don’t know if he told you. A pretty bad one. He hasn’t had one of them in years…” Naruto hesitated before continuing, not wanting to step over a line with Itachi. “I don’t think he’s handling all these new cases very well. He’s overworked.” 

Naruto steeled himself for a less than pleasant response from Itachi regarding criticism towards their firm, but instead he was surprised when Itachi agreed with him. 

“I know. I’m going to see about sending some clients elsewhere on Monday, and I’m going to monitor the workload better from here on,” Itachi said. “He mentioned the panic attack… I can’t help but feel as though I’m to blame. I pushed him too hard, and it won’t happen again.” Itachi’s word was as good as any promise, and Naruto trusted him.

Their conversation fell silent, both of them seeming to understand each other. Finally, Itachi spoke. “Did you drive here?”

Naruto let out a short laugh, but there was no smile behind it. “I didn’t trust myself behind the wheel. I caught a cab.” 

“I’ll buzz you in through the gate, but you’ll have to ring the doorbell,” Itachi said. “Naruto. Sasuke is… not in a good place right now. You need to be prepared to deal with that.” 

The words Itachi used were gentle but his tone was anything but. Naruto knew him well enough to know what he meant. _If you come in here now you better not walk out on him if it gets tough_. This wasn’t something that was going to be fixed overnight, Naruto wasn’t naive enough to think that. Sasuke’s fragile emotional state was from more than just that evening’s misunderstanding, and the road ahead of them was going to be long and arduous. 

“I understand, Itachi. I love him. I’ll do whatever it takes.” 

“I know you will,” Itachi said warmly, and he meant it. 

Itachi hung up the call and remotely opened the front gate for Naruto through an app on his phone. He had minimal time before the doorbell rang, and he wasn’t sure if he should warn Sasuke beforehand. He decided he would leave it, and made his way back into the living room. Sasuke hadn’t moved from where Itachi had left him on the sofa and he didn’t look up when Itachi entered the room. 

He had probably gathered from the length of the call that it wasn’t work related, but he probably assumed it was Kisame. When the doorbell rang, Sasuke’s head did rise from where it rested in his hands. He looked at Itachi quizzingly, but his older brother gave no explanation as he moved to answer the door. 

Moments later a familiar blond head stepped into the room, and Sasuke’s stomach dropped. How could Itachi let him in here? He noticed his brother didn’t follow Naruto into the room, opting to give the two of them some privacy. So that’s who he was on the phone with. 

“Sasuke, oh, God, Sasuke, babe, I’m so sorry,” Naruto choked out as he crossed the room quickly and knelt in front of Sasuke. He reached for Sasuke’s hands but his partner pulled them back, as though any physical contact with Naruto would break him. Naruto’s heart splintered at the motion.

Sasuke took in Naruto’s appearance, his clothes were dishevelled and his hair was a mess, sticking up in every direction. His face was red and splotchy, his eyes puffy and his cheeks sticky from tears. He looked awful. Sasuke guessed he himself probably looked about the same. 

“Why did you come here, Naruto…” Sasuke asked, dejected. 

“I’m not cheating on you!” Naruto spat the words louder than he needed to, like he couldn’t hold them in any longer. “I wouldn’t… _ever_ do that. _God_ , Sasuke, I had no idea why you left earlier. I didn’t know what you were talking about, and then you left and I felt like my heart was being ripped out, and I played it all over in my head, and it clicked. I’m not cheating on you, I’m not having an affair, there was no one in the bathroom. It’s only you, Sasuke. _Fuck_ , it’s always been you.” 

Naruto was openly crying, still kneeling at Sasuke’s feet. He reached out gently to lay a hand on Sasuke’s knee. Sasuke flinched, but he didn’t push it off. 

“It’s only you, I promise. Always. _God_ , Sasuke, like there could ever be anyone else. You’re it for me.”

Sasuke wanted to believe Naruto, but he saw the evidence. Everything he saw pointed to an affair.

“Then what were you doing? Why did you lie to me like that?” 

“I didn’t mean to make you feel like I was keeping secrets from you. I wanted to surprise you when you got home from work. I was organising a romantic bath for us, with candles and rose petals and all that cheesy romantic stuff. We’ve hardly spent any time together lately and you’ve been so exhausted, I thought you deserved something nice to come home to. But you were home earlier than I expected, and I wasn’t finished yet, so I shut the door over to stop you from seeing. And you know how bad I am at lying… I can kind of see where you’d get suspicious there,” Naruto explained. 

“But… You were so sweaty, and you had those loose old pyjamas on. You mean to tell me nothing sexual was going on in there? I know you, Naruto. I know how you look when you’re worked up.” 

Naruto blushed hard up to his ears. “I may have… been… stretching.” 

“Stretching,” Sasuke repeated mockingly. 

Naruto squirmed slightly. “I was… I thought… y’know, you always… I thought… maybe tonight for something different it could… be the other way around,” he said awkwardly, hyperaware of the fact they were in Sasuke’s _brother’s_ house. 

It was Sasuke’s turn to blush. “Oh.” 

“Yeah…” 

An awkward silence hung between them after that. Sasuke felt the weight of what Naruto had just told him, what he was willing to give him that night. Naruto had never bottomed, not once in their entire eight years together. It didn’t bother Sasuke, as he definitely much preferred to receive, but he’d always wondered how it would feel to drive into Naruto and make him see stars the way Naruto did for him. Naruto said he’d tried it once long ago and he’d had an awful experience so he wasn’t keen to do it again, and Sasuke respected that. The fact that Naruto had been willing to open himself up — literally — to Sasuke like that was a lot to take in. 

“But… why? Why would you want to do that for me?” Sasuke finally asked.

"I don't... know if I really want to talk about why I want to bottom for you here in your brother's house..." Naruto answered, embarrassed.

"No, not.. not that" Sasuke blushed. "I mean... why would you want to do something nice for me? At all? After the way I've treated you..."

“What do you mean? I love you, of course I want to do nice things for you. And what do you mean, ' _the way you've treated me_ '?"

“I don’t understand… I’ve neglected you, I’ve been a terrible lover and an even worse partner lately. I spend all my time at work, and I come home grumpy in the middle of the night. You have to eat dinner alone and go to sleep by yourself. The small amount of time we have spent together lately I’ve been distant and detached. Why… why would you love someone who treats you like that? You deserve so much more than me, than what I can give you,” Sasuke said sadly. 

Naruto realised now why Itachi had warned him before he came in here. Naruto reached up and wiped the tears from Sasuke’s cheeks. He hadn’t even realised he’d started crying again.

"Sasuke, we've been together for eight years. I could write books about the reasons I'm with you, of all the small things you do that make me smile every day. Sure, all this work you've been doing for the firm is new, and it's true, we don't get to spend much time together anymore. But that will pass. Once you and Itachi have settled and found your groove, you'll be able to step back slightly and spend more time at home. There is no one on this entire Earth I'd want to be with if I wasn't with you, Sasuke. I told you before, you’re it for me. I want to grow old with you, have children with you. God, I'd marry you right here and now if that's what you wanted. I love you so much I just want to scream it for everyone to hear. For everyone to know that you're  _mine_ , and I'm the only one who gets to have you.”  
  
Sasuke’s eyes met Naruto’s properly for the first time since he got here and that was all it took for him to break down. The love that Naruto conveyed through just one look was more than he could handle, more than he deserved.

Naruto moved to sit on the couch beside Sasuke and pulled his partner against his chest, holding him close as he sobbed. Silent tears fell from his own eyes as he stroked Sasuke’s heaving back, his body wracking with harsh sobs. He had to be strong for Sasuke.

“I’m sorry, I’m so sorry, Naruto,” Sasuke howled, his cries muffled by Naruto’s chest. 

“Shh, I know, babe. Don’t need to be sorry. Nothing to be sorry for,” Naruto soothed. “Love you so much, Sasuke. Don’t know what I’d do without you. When you left today I realised just how badly I need you. I can’t live without you.” 

Sasuke cried even harder, his tears soaking the front of Naruto’s shirt. How could it be possible that _Naruto_ needed _him_ just as badly as he needed Naruto? Sasuke was moody and grumpy, and he had no friends outside of Naruto and Itachi, but Naruto was loved by everyone. Even people he met on the street were drawn to him. He just had that kind of effect on people. 

In what world would Naruto not be able to live without _him_? Introverted, miserable _him._ While Naruto was the brightest sun, Sasuke was a dark moon. Naruto’s friends had made that comparison out loud once, and Sasuke had been so afraid that Naruto would finally realise he was being dragged down, and head for the hills. Instead he’d smiled and said “well, you can’t have the day without the night, can you?” and clasped Sasuke’s hand in his tightly. 

Sasuke managed a smile at the memory. He realised he had a lot of stuff to work through, tonight just the tip of the iceberg. If he was honest with himself, he’d been sinking for quite a while. He still didn't quite understand what Naruto was doing with him, and he knew he had to cut back on his workload. He’d have to talk to Itachi about that. Though, he’s probably already sorted that out, Sasuke thought to himself. His brother always did know exactly what he needed. 

He thought back to the therapist he used to see and how he’d felt when she’d told him he probably didn’t need to keep coming back to see her. He was so proud of himself back then, and now he felt like a failure. He felt broken and useless. But being held in Naruto's arms he felt safe and warm and, God, by some miracle,  _loved._ Naruto loved him.

The road to being better wouldn’t be an easy one, and Sasuke doubted he’d ever truly be “fixed,” but maybe, he thought, if he could have Naruto by his side, he would come out okay.

**Author's Note:**

> please feel free to come chat with me and send me prompts on [tumblr](https://primarylxtus.tumblr.com/)!


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